The Best Dad Jokes of All Time: Dedicated to Our Favorite Fathers

The Best Dad Jokes of All Time: Dedicated to Our Favorite Fathers

Dads: we love them for so many reasons because they help us with so many things. Dad's help with everything from homework and sports to advice on scoring a “get out of jail free card,” and due to their valiant efforts, these class act guys carve out a cherished place in our hearts - we adore them for it.

Ok, so actually there is one reason above all other that we love dads more than we can put into words…. DAD JOKES.  Be they truly funny or painfully corny, dad jokes earn groans and giggles that we couldn't imagine getting anywhere else. Enjoy some our favorites from around the web and, even from memories of our very own dads - the good, the bad and the corny:

Punny Dad-Liners

  1. Why did the coffee go to the police?  It got mugged.
  2. What time did the man go to the dentist?  Tooth hurt-y.
  3. NASA announced they were planning a trip to the sun. When asked how they were going to do it without burning they said ... "we are planning on going at night."
  4. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  5. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He finally woke up…

  6. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.(To the tune of Beethoven's 5th
  7. I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps ... But don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it.
  8. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
  9. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows (No body, nose - get it?).  
  10. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels! (Bay-gulls - get it?) 

    via GIPHY
  11. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
  12. My friend keeps saying "Cheer up man it could be worse, u could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"… I know he means well.
  13. Did you hear about the new movie “constipation?” … It never came out.
  14. How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They're all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles.
  15. Guess who died… Abraham Lincoln

    via GIPHY


    Surely You Jest (and Don't Call Me Shirley)

  16. Kid: I’m going to go change
    Dad: Don’t change too much, I love you just the way you are!
  17. Cashier: $11.92
    Dad: Ahhh…. That was a great year!
  18. Waitress: Would you like a box for your leftovers?
    Dad: No, but I’ll wrestle you for them!
  19. Kid: Did you get a haircut?
    Dad: No, I got them all cut…
  20. Kid: I’m hungry
    Dad: Nice to meet you hungry, I’m dad.

    via GIPHY
  21. Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag, sir?
    Dad: No, just leave it in the carton.
  22. Kid: Dad am I adopted?
    Dad: No, not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you.
  23. Kid: Can you put my shoes on?
    Dad: No, I don't think they'll fit me.
  24. Kid: Are you alright, Dad?
    Dad: No, I’m half left…
  25. Mom: How do I look?
    Dad: With your eyes.
  26. Kid: Can you make me a sandwich?
    Dad: Poof! You’re a sandwich.

    via GIPHY
  27. Kid: Hey, I was thinking…

    Dad: I thought I smelled something burning.
  28. Waitress: Soup or Salad?
    Dad: It’s ok, I’ll just have a regular salad!
  29. Kid: I’ll call you later
    Dad: Don’t call me later, call me dad!
  30. Dad: What are you drinking?
    Kid: Soy Milk.
    Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre.

Well, there you have it. Dads have an uncanny ability to cheer us up (or frustrate us further, depending on how you look at it) like no one else and we wouldn’t have it any other way! To our heroes: Happy Father’s Day, we love you <3

Did we miss any? SHARE your favorite dad jokes in the comments below!