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The Best Dad Jokes of All Time: Dedicated to Our Favorite Fathers

The Best Dad Jokes of All Time: Dedicated to Our Favorite Fathers

Dads: we love them for so many reasons because they help us with so many things. Dad's help with everything from homework and sports to advice on scoring a “get out of jail free card,” and due to their valiant efforts, these class act guys carve out a cherished place in our hearts - we adore them for it.

Ok, so actually there is one reason above all other that we love dads more than we can put into words…. DAD JOKES.  Be they truly funny or painfully corny, dad jokes earn groans and giggles that we couldn't imagine getting anywhere else. Enjoy some our favorites from around the web and, even from memories of our very own dads - the good, the bad and the corny:

Punny Dad-Liners

  1. Why did the coffee go to the police?  It got mugged.
  2. What time did the man go to the dentist?  Tooth hurt-y.
  3. NASA announced they were planning a trip to the sun. When asked how they were going to do it without burning they said ... "we are planning on going at night."
  4. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  5. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He finally woke up…

  6. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.(To the tune of Beethoven's 5th
  7. I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps ... But don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it.
  8. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
  9. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows (No body, nose - get it?).  
  10. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels! (Bay-gulls - get it?) 

    via GIPHY
  11. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
  12. My friend keeps saying "Cheer up man it could be worse, u could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"… I know he means well.
  13. Did you hear about the new movie “constipation?” … It never came out.
  14. How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They're all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles.
  15. Guess who died… Abraham Lincoln

    via GIPHY


    Surely You Jest (and Don't Call Me Shirley)

  16. Kid: I’m going to go change
    Dad: Don’t change too much, I love you just the way you are!
  17. Cashier: $11.92
    Dad: Ahhh…. That was a great year!
  18. Waitress: Would you like a box for your leftovers?
    Dad: No, but I’ll wrestle you for them!
  19. Kid: Did you get a haircut?
    Dad: No, I got them all cut…
  20. Kid: I’m hungry
    Dad: Nice to meet you hungry, I’m dad.

    via GIPHY
  21. Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag, sir?
    Dad: No, just leave it in the carton.
  22. Kid: Dad am I adopted?
    Dad: No, not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you.
  23. Kid: Can you put my shoes on?
    Dad: No, I don't think they'll fit me.
  24. Kid: Are you alright, Dad?
    Dad: No, I’m half left…
  25. Mom: How do I look?
    Dad: With your eyes.
  26. Kid: Can you make me a sandwich?
    Dad: Poof! You’re a sandwich.

    via GIPHY
  27. Kid: Hey, I was thinking…

    Dad: I thought I smelled something burning.
  28. Waitress: Soup or Salad?
    Dad: It’s ok, I’ll just have a regular salad!
  29. Kid: I’ll call you later
    Dad: Don’t call me later, call me dad!
  30. Dad: What are you drinking?
    Kid: Soy Milk.
    Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre.

Well, there you have it. Dads have an uncanny ability to cheer us up (or frustrate us further, depending on how you look at it) like no one else and we wouldn’t have it any other way! To our heroes: Happy Father’s Day, we love you <3

Did we miss any? SHARE your favorite dad jokes in the comments below!

Get the Most from Your Roast - Understanding Coffee Roasting Profiles

Get the Most from Your Roast - Understanding Coffee Roasting Profiles
Do you hang out on the dark side of coffee, or are you more of a lover of the light?

Both Dark Roasts and Light Roasts are beloved to coffee lovers around the world, depending on the person’s taste buds and preferences.

The main difference people site between light and dark roasts is that light coffee has more caffeine. This is not fully accurate, though widely believed. Caffeine levels are mostly stable during the roasting process, so the caffeine content is basically the same in both a light and a dark roast coffee.

We’ve compiled a few differences between light and dark roasts that will help you get the most out of your morning cup, depending on what choice you make:

Light Roasts

Light Roasts retain more of the original flavor of the bean, as it’s not roasted for as long of a period. Beans that have been lightly roasted also offer the sipper a more complex tasting experience, often exhibiting traces of sweetness, fruit tanginess, or even a light floral aroma.

They are also lighter in the body because the coffee bean has not been roasted long enough to produce caramelized sugars or oil that are associated with dark roasts. If you want a coffee with a more complex taste, the light roast is the way to go.

Dark Roasts

A common misconception about dark roast coffee is that the beans have been burned. In reality, much of the darker, bolder taste comes from the fact that they are roasted for long enough that the oils come out of the beans.

When coffee beans are roasted until dark, the bright tones associated with the light roasts tend to disappear. Because of this, the coffee’s original flavors are typically overshadowed by the characteristics of the roasting process. With the right dark roast, beans can develop either sweet or deep taste profiles.

If a bold kick is what you seek in the morning, dark roast would be the choice for you. Dark roasted beans are oilier, which sometimes leads to a bittersweet or toasted taste, as well as decadent chocolate flavor.

Tasting

Tasting carefully is not a subject taught in school (or anywhere, for that matter). Because of this, most of us haven’t developed a palate for taste testing coffee. Below are a few things to keep in mind in terms of tasting in general, and specifically, with coffee.

Tasting is always a matter of context. For example, sharp cheddar cheese is sharp in relation to mild cheddar cheese. Stale coffee is dull compared to fresh coffee. It’s also important to remember that people have varying taste buds and preferences (which seems obvious, but worth noting). Just because someone tells you something is the best tasting in the world doesn’t ensure your taste buds will agree.

Let your coffee cool slightly before drinking it. Scalding your taste buds is not the best way to enjoy your coffee or taste the various notes of the cup. Take a moment before you sip to appreciate the aroma of your cup and savor that first taste. It’s also recommended to taste it without cream or sugar first to allow your taste buds to pick out the flavors. Even if that subtle caramel sweetness lasts for only a second, you’ve found a hint of flavor to appreciate and look for in your next sip.

You don't have to be a master coffee roaster to appreciate a good cup of coffee, especially one that's good for you too. Take a minute to reflect which roast you'd like the best so you also can feel like a coffee aficionado!

5 Top Tips to Replenish Your Health This Summer

5 Top Tips to Replenish Your Health This Summer

Summer is finally here and we are so excited to enjoy some much needed time in the sun! While summer is a great time to take some time to enjoy family and friends, the added heat warrants some extra care for our bodies.  

These are our 5 top summer health tips for taking in all the goodness of the season, while staying cool, hydrated, and glowing, from the inside out!

  1. Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate

Summertime activities often revolve around being in the sun for long periods of time. An easy way to feel your best, while soaking up some rays is to stay hydrated. For every hour that you are in the sun, you should drink at least 1-2 glasses of water. This simple (but important) step helps to prevent dehydration and will replenish your energy levels while you take in the rays. You’ll even notice it helps keep your skin looking more plump and hydrated as well!

  1. Apply (& Re-apply) Lotion

From prevention to moisturizing, lotion is a MUST in the summer months. Sunscreen should be an essential part of everyone’s daily routine and that especially applies this season. Sunscreen helps prevent sunburns and melanoma on your body’s largest organ: your skin. A hydrating summer lotion is the best way to help replenish dry skin. Pick out a natural lotion with a scent that takes you to a tropical place for an inexpensive at-home spa feel.  You can also use something completely organic, like coconut or jojoba oil! If you’re into convenience - try using a daily moisturizer with sunscreen in it.

  1. Set a Time Limit

How are you going to protect yourself from UV rays? If you are going to spend the day poolside or lounging on a beach, make sure you have a plan in advance and cap your time in the sun! While it might feel good to tan all day, it’s not the safest option. What are UV rays?  They are the spectrum of ultraviolet light from the sun that can help us get Vitamin D, but can also be harmful for your skin health. UV rays from tanning beds can be particularly harmful, and early use of tanning beds has been linked to melanoma - so try to use tanning methods like bronzers to get sun kissed summer skin you’re looking for instead.  Too much unprotected exposure to the sun's ultraviolet (UV) rays can cause skin damage, eye damage, immune system suppression, and skin cancer. Remember: everything in moderation!

  1. Supplement Your Summer

With all those hot summer rays, you may think you’ve got your Vitamin D covered; but if you’re wearing the sunscreen you should be, you may have to think again! Applying sunscreen is extremely important for prevention, but it also blocks out much of the Vitamin D your body would be absorbing. Not to mention, it’s hard it is to stick to a perfectly balanced meal plan with all the summer BBQ’s and “Sunday Fun-days”. Keep your body in tip top shape with VitaCup’s daily delivery of vitamins through your favorite morning cup of coffee or tea!

  1. Deep Condition Hair

Though the sun can gift your locks with some gorgeous, natural highlights, swimming everyday can leave it looking dry. Chlorine is one of the things that can destroy your hair the fastest, especially if you wash your hair immediately after a swim. Trying out new styles or colors for summer festival seasons can mean you’re trying out new summer hair trends that take a toll on your hair, so get a little more TLC if you’re testing a new color or hair treatment.  Take some time to treat yourself to a hair mask or a deep conditioning hair treatment to help restore life into brittle hair.


What do you think? Will you be trying any of these summer health tips? Let us know in the comments if you will be giving any of these a try, or if you have a favorite way to stay refreshed during the summer!